


426. bodies

by piggy09



Series: The Sestre Daily Drabble Project [186]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Shapeshifters, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-14 04:39:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9162367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piggy09/pseuds/piggy09
Summary: She likes it, that Sarah notices. That Sarah sees her.But Sarah isn’t supposed to see her until she figures out Sarah’s face.And she hasn’t.Yet.





	

**Author's Note:**

> [warning: incest overtones, even though i try to make it EMPHATICALLY CLEAR that helena doesn't want to kiss her]

Falling in love is something she’s seen in movies, but only through other people’s windows. It’s when the music gets very loud and the people onscreen stare deep into each other’s eyes and then start eating each other’s mouths. She (she? probably she) understands this idea in concept. Not really in ex-e-cu-tion, which is like a guillotine. Chop.

She’s working on it. She has been for days (weeks? probably days) now. Life outside of screens-through-windows doesn’t have music, but the feeling in her chest _feels_ like music, or at least the way some music sounds. Her chest feels like the sound from moving cars, the kind that streams through windows. Her chest feels strange.

There’s a _woman_.

There’s a woman and her name is Sarah and she loves Sarah. She’s been watching Sarah for days, weeks, probably days. It’s hard. She’s never tried following someone before. It means she has to keep changing. That hurts.

She’s good at it. Changing. She has been for years (decades?) (centuries?) (probably just a few years) – getting taller and shorter, changing the color of her skin, her hair, her eyes, her speech (not that she speaks) (much). Usually she just hides in the dark of church basements, or apartments where nobody lives, and shifts her skin around until it feels like it fits again. But now she has to do it fast, over and over, because Sarah (Sarah!) notices when the she sees the same person twice.

She likes it, that Sarah notices. That Sarah sees her.

But Sarah isn’t supposed to see her until she figures out Sarah’s face.

And she hasn’t.

Yet.

So every day she wakes up and she retches a little and she sweats a lot and she makes her skin fold in on itself or rip itself apart. And every day she’s different, and it’s all for Sarah.

She hasn’t even talked to Sarah yet. She doesn’t know what to say. _I don’t want to eat your mouth with my mouth, but I want to eat a few of your fingers. I want you to tell me what to look like so I can be that thing for you. I want you to give me a name._ Is that what love is? Probably? Probably that is what love is.

She only wants a _few_ of Sarah’s fingers, that’s not many. Sarah will have more. She could be Sarah’s hands, if Sarah wanted, but Sarah doesn’t want that, because she hasn’t even _talked_ to Sarah. She has just. Been.

When Sarah goes into her house and locks the door, she goes back to wherever she is sleeping and tries to make Sarah’s face work right in front of the mirror. She can’t quite manage it. The nose, the eyes. She always gives the mouth too many teeth. The grin looks wrong. Too many too many too many teeth.

Today she’s a child. That hurts. Her body doesn’t like being that small, it doesn’t know where all the extra body should go. But she does it: for Sarah. Sarah walking down the street wearing a black leather jacket and a scowl. Sarah with her fingers. Sarah with her hands. Sarah with a mouth that could say anything, that she doesn’t want to put her mouth against.

Today she’s a child, and Sarah stops for her. Bends down. “Hey,” she says, voice gentle (her voice!) (her voice is gentle!), “you lost?”

“No,” she says, only it comes out more _nnnn. o?_ and the _o_ clings stickily to the backs of her teeth. But she says no. She isn’t lost; she is exactly where she wants to be.

“Where’s your mum and dad?” Sarah says.

“No,” she says again. She reaches out and puts her fingers against Sarah’s hair. “Your hair. Is. Pretty. I try, but I can’t.”

Sarah frowns; a wrinkle appears between her eyebrows. “I’m – sure it’ll look nice when you’re older, yeah?” she says.

“Mm.”

Sarah runs a hand nervously through her hair, and looks back and forth across the street. There is no one there but the two of them. She could get very big and eat Sarah alive, right now, but then Sarah would be nothing but her. That isn’t the way she wants it to go. She wants to be Sarah, not the other way around.

“I used to be sort of a brat when I was your age,” Sarah says, voice low and confidential, “so I get it, if you’re – runnin’ away, or somethin’. But you can tell me if you’re not safe. I can help, yeah? Promise.”

Sudden realization: if she told Sarah that she needed a place to stay Sarah would take her home. She could eat Sarah’s food. In the dark, she could watch Sarah sleep and try her face over and over and over until she got it. The day is coming, soon, when she can bump into Sarah on the street and _be_ Sarah, and have Sarah love her for it. So close she can taste it. Sarah, here, so close she—

“No thank you,” she says. She reaches out and touches Sarah’s nose. It curls like _this_. It bends like _that_. Letting Sarah help her now would ruin the surprise; she wants it to be once, in one go, that Sarah opens her arms and her home and her heart. It’ll be magic. She’s never felt magic before.

“Okay,” Sarah says, frowning again. “You stay safe, yeah?”

“I will,” she says. She grins as big as she can. She hopes it doesn’t have too many teeth, this time around.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please kudos + comment if you enjoyed! :)


End file.
